Have you ever wondered why you feel different to everyone else around you? Like you don’t quite fit in? Like there’s a piece missing? – you’re almost empty at times.
Do you ever ask yourself why you don’t feel happy? Why, as you go about your day, there’s this irritable feeling inside you but you’re not really sure what it is. You can’t understand why because it’s not like you have a bad life or anything. If you’re like me, you probably think that something is wrong with you.
Do you ever feel like there’s more to life? That what you have isn’t it but you don’t know what else you can do. It feels like something is holding you back, disconnected, like you’re separate to life around you.
This was me, from as early as I could remember and for most of my 37 years on the planet.It was constant and it was really shit. There was no peace from all these thoughts. And if you have been there too, then I just want you to know you’re not on your own.
All my life I felt like I was different. Like I didn’t fit in. I felt I was somehow disconnected from the world and felt more like an observer of life rather than a participant.
Instead of seeing my difference as a good thing, my child’s mind told me I was flawed. I felt deeply ashamed of who I was.
Feeling this way from a young age lead to really crappy self confidence as you can imagine.
Over the years this developed into anxiety and depression.
I was desperate to know why I felt so bad all of the time. I wanted to know why I was letting life pass me by in some weird passive state.
I spent 30 years of my life doing what I thought I should until one day I didn’t feel anything at all.
I was used to depression and not feeling happy but one day I realised I couldn’t feel anything at all. I’d stopped feeling. I’d gone numb.
It was terrifying.
This was no way to live life.
I decided to sort this out once and for all.