Marie-Claire Ashcroft, aka The Professional Rebel is a Self Image Specialist – a Personal Brand Photographer and Rebel Confidence Coach for unconventional, quirky and rebellious women.

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Imagine if you never changed your shoes

 Imagine if you never changed your shoes.
 
Not the shoes you’re wearing today.
 
I’m talking about the ones you wore as a little boy or little girl.
 
 Imagine how uncomfortable your little tootsies would feel as your feet grew and the shoes started rubbing, pinching and giving you blisters.
 
What would happen if you left them as they were?
 
The uncomfortable feeling would likely turn into unbearable pain. You’d probably start to walk a little funny with a limp or you would avoid walking at all costs.
 
What would your feet look start to like?
 
Do you remember hearing about the little Chinese girls who used to have their feet broken and bound so they could fit into the tiny shoes they were told they had to wear just so that they could be loveable? Their toes broken and bent, just to fit into something they believed would make them more desirable.

 

Where am I going with all of this? 
 
We grow out of lots of things in our lifetime. Like shoes. And when they no longer fit, we get bigger ones to allow out feet to grow, feel comfortable and become the size they are meant to be.
 
But I was thinking about this the other day.
 
There’s something that we don’t change very often. If at all.

 

Our stories.
 
Think of the stories we tell ourselves about who we are.
 
Sit with it now for a couple of minutes.
 
 Who are you?
 
What is your role in your life?
 
Are you a mummy, a wife, a teacher, a school volunteer? A photographer just starting out, a part time blogger, someone who used to be a nurse?
 
Let’s go a little bit deeper than that, let’s look at who it is we believe we are.
 
Not very organised, lazy, shy, ugly, not very good at… 
 
And where do these stories come from?
 
When did you decide these things were true?
  
If you’re anything like me, you probably created stories about your life from the things that have happened to you and the things you have done in your life.
 
But the thing is, when we create a story, it defines who we are. We assume that role in our life.
 
And it is who we believe we are determines the way we act. Every single day.
 
It hit me that the things I still believe about myself do not serve me any more. It’s almost as if I’ve outgrown them. I’ve not taken on board any of the things that have happened since I created these stories. And I’ve done a heck of a lot since!
 
 So if I continue living my life believing things I made up about myself, most of which were probably decided before the age of 10 (when I had oh so much worldly knowledge), with the odd one picked up along the way, then I’ll probably just keep acting like a bloody 7 year old is running the ship. 
 
I’d never become the person I want to grow into.
 
I’ll just act like a scared little girl in a grown up’s body. 
 
Here are some of the stories I’ve been telling myself: 
I’m a scared little girl.
I’m shy.
I’m not very confident.
I don’t fit in.
Nobody likes me.
I feel lost.
Nobody fancies me.
I’m a sad little girl.
I’m a weak little girl.
I just want to be liked.
I’m depressed.
I’m a newbie photographer.
I don’t know what I’m doing in business.
Nobody takes me seriously.
Is that really who I am?
 
Ummm, NO!
 
If these things were really true, would I be spilling my guts out here and giving talks and workshops in front of people I’ve never met before? Would I have travelled alone in places like Thailand and Australia? Would I have been self-employed since 2012 collecting many happy loyal customers and wonderful testimonials telling me how the photos I took were so good I made them cry? Would people constantly message me to tell me I’m an inspiration and how the happiness work I do has helped them?
 
I don’t think so!
 
But because deep, deep down I believe something else about myself, these things don’t seem to go in. It’s like they bounce straight off me. If new information comes in that doesn’t reinforce the old story about myself, then I can’t take it in – I hold my stories dear to me. I must only believe that which I made up about myself at the age of 7.
 
Have a think about the stories you tell yourself.
 
I dare you to call bullshit on some of the old ones.
 
Prove yourself wrong. Step into the role you want to have and see how that changes how you feel about yourself. Feel better about who you are now and what you’re doing with your life. Not who you decided you were when you were 7.
 
Because you’re awesome and so am I x
 
 
 

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I don’t want this…

It’s super easy to say I don’t want this, I don’t like this, this doesn’t feel good.
But have you ever sat down and had a good think about what it is you do want?
You don’t want to feel sad – but what does happy actually look like to you?
You don’t want to work at this job – but what job is it you really want?
You don’t want to be single – but what does a relationship, an ideal relationship, look like to you?
  
Without having an idea of what you do want, you can end up with anything.
 
It’s like being in a relationship with an idiot just so you don’t have to go to bed alone every night.
It’s like bumbling along from one shit job to the next.
It’s like not making any changes at all because you don’t know what it is you really do want.
 
It’s hard to change things for the better if you don’t know what it is that you desire.
And it’s here where you just have to try something.
Not sure of what to try, think of the feelings.
It’s never about the thing itself, it’s the way it makes you feel.
The feeling you want is normally the exact opposite from that what you’re experiencing right now.
Focus on the feelings you do want and move towards them, rather than running aimlessly from what you don’t want to feel.
The thing that you give your attention to, is the thing that will grow.
And to feel bad about what you don’t have is such a waste of all that you have x
 

 

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How low self esteem killed a perfectly good business.

 
Once upon a time I had a photography business.
It was really good. I was really good.
Except I just couldn’t see it.
 [bctt tweet=”This is a story of how low self-esteem killed a perfectly good business.“]
 
It all started by accident in 2008.
I never intended to become a photographer.
Not a professional one anyway.
It started as a tool to remember my life.
I was sick and tired of never remembering the wonderful things I did.
My brain just felt like a magnet for negative thoughts.
Clinging on to the bad things and never the good.
So photography became my way to remember.
Good things, good times, good people.
It also became a way to explore emotions I didn’t really know how to cope with.
I never expected events to lead to where they did.
To me – being self-employed and running a business all by myself.
 
So I called my photography business FlukePhotography.
 
No one really teaches you how to run a business; it’s something you learn on the fly.
You make mistake after mistake and eventually you find your groove.
The only thing that is certain – you are not cut out for the 9-5.
You have to make it work.
But you don’t know what you’re doing.
Nobody teaches you how to run a business.
So you get yourself out there.
You take advice from every person you meet.
Obviously they know what they’re doing.
You haven’t got a clue.
You go to workshops.
You attend seminars.
You chat to people at networking.
And read oh so many fucking blogs.
Marketing, PR, Book keeping, Accounts, SEO, Time Management, Blogging.
There’s so much to do.
You started out on a shoe-string.
You can’t afford to become someone else’s customer just to get your own.
So as your to do list grows, so does your anxiety.
There’s so much you should be doing.
You can’t do enough.
You’re not enough.
You might as well give up.
You’ll never be good enough.
You start to look to people you admire.
See how well they’re doing.
You mimic them.
You get mentored.
You get coached.
They know what they’re doing.
You don’t.
You don’t trust yourself.
You put your trust in someone else.
You can’t see if they’re the right person to help you.
You just want someone to make it all better.
There’s so much you should be doing.
You can’t do enough.
You’re not good enough.
Suddenly you’re doing things that aren’t right for you.
It doesn’t fit.
It all feels so heavy.
This isn’t what you wanted.
You feel like you’re working for someone else again.
All these things, to do, they’re not what you wanted to do.
It feels like hard work.
You don’t feel like you can do it.
No wonder they say self-employment isn’t for everyone.
Where’s the time to do what you wanted to do?
Over time you start working out what works for you.
You start to listen.
To yourself.
You work out what you need.
What you want.
You do it.
Things are going well.
But then you go ahead and fuck it up.
That cunty voice.
In your head.
Eating you alive.
From the inside out.
You’re not good enough.
This isn’t what you should be doing.
Who do you think you are?
You procrastinate.
You avoid doing things.
You don’t finish things.
You don’t follow up and connect with people you met.
You don’t ask for the fucking money.
You let yourself down when you were oh so close.
You try to talk.
But no one gets it.
You take everything personally.
The price bartering – makes you question your worth.
The well-meaning friend or family – clouding you with their fears.
It’s like none of them believe in you.
The head cunt is having a feast.
Lapping up your anxiety, your doubt, your fears.
It’s a cycle.
You get yourself back up.
Everyone else has got it together.
But you haven’t.
You’re a useless failure.
 

 

STOP.

 

FUCKING STOP IT.

 
 
I had no fucking idea that setting up a business would be the biggest.personal.growth.tool you could ever possibly imagine – taking you to the heart of who you are and what is possible.
You have to listen to yourself, at long, long last. You work out what’s bullshit – all the lies you’ve been telling yourself and the invisible force fields you’ve knocked up around your super hero shaped ass, just to keep yourself safe and small – shrinking down because god forbid you shine, unintentionally pissing people off as you go about your day.
You have to work out where it came from and let it go. Master the art of forgiving yourself and those around you. Regroup. Refocus. Take some time out if you need and come back to what you want. Pick yourself back up.
FlukePhotography was never my purpose, my end goal. Photography as an entity, not just a business, has been my tool – taking me on an introspective journey towards valuing myself, shining a light on old wounds and learning to express myself and finally dropping the mask, coming out of my self constructed shell and learning to connect to people.
A journey. Full circle.
Back to me.
 
And I’ve realised I can inspire, help and empower others, just by being my honest, messy self.
So here you have it, this is how low self esteem killed a perfectly good business.
 
And it’s ok.
It was meant to be.
I’m a completely different person today than I was back then.
I am me. This is my business.
And it sure as hell ain’t no fucking fluke.
 
Welcome.

Professional Rebel.

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p.s. if this resonated with you and you want to do something about this at long last, Professional Rebel’s Courage and Confidence Crew is just what you need!
A community for creatives and business owners who want to develop the courage, confidence and chops to live life unedited – find out more here!

Amble

In progress 🙂