Have you ever wondered why you feel different to everyone else around you? Like you don’t quite fit in? Like there’s a piece missing? – you’re almost empty at times.
Do you ever ask yourself why you don’t feel happy? Why, as you go about your day, there’s this irritable feeling inside you but you’re not really sure what it is. You can’t understand why because it’s not like you have a bad life or anything. If you’re like me, you probably think that something is wrong with you.
Do you ever feel like there’s more to life? That what you have isn’t it but you don’t know what else you can do. It feels like something is holding you back, disconnected, like you’re separate to life around you.
This was me, from as early as I could remember and for most of my 37 years on the planet.It was constant and it was really shit. There was no peace from all these thoughts. And if you have been there too, then I just want you to know you’re not on your own.
All my life I felt like I was different. Like I didn’t fit in. I felt I was somehow disconnected from the world and felt more like an observer of life rather than a participant.
Instead of seeing my difference as a good thing, my child’s mind told me I was flawed. I felt deeply ashamed of who I was.
Feeling this way from a young age lead to really crappy self confidence as you can imagine.
Over the years this developed into anxiety and depression.
I was desperate to know why I felt so bad all of the time. I wanted to know why I was letting life pass me by in some weird passive state.
I spent 30 years of my life doing what I thought I should until one day I didn’t feel anything at all.
I was used to depression and not feeling happy but one day I realised I couldn’t feel anything at all. I’d stopped feeling. I’d gone numb.
It was terrifying.
This was no way to live life.
I decided to sort this out once and for all.
It took some time (and some lady balls) but I untangled the knots that kept me tripping up and making the same mistakes over and over again.
I stepped out of my head and back into my body.
I learnt about who I really was and began to look at my strengths instead of my weaknesses.
Over time, I became more confident and stepped into who I really was.
Suddenly there was a heap of peace I’d never felt before.
Fewer fucks were given.
I felt happier and I started to create a life that I was a part of.
I met like minded people.
I met the love of my life.
I had better relationships with family, friends and everyone.
I redesigned parts of my life to fit with who I was, not who I thought I should be.
I started to make peace with my ‘bad’ bits and learnt to work with them instead of fighting to continuously get rid of them.
Over time my individuality became my super power and lead me to where I am today with a business I love that helps so many people.
It’s not a one and done process. There’s always stuff to uncover and I still have shitty days now and then – being happy isn’t the absence of feeling bad, it’s knowing that whatever life throws at you, you’ll be able to handle it. It’s about developing bouncebackability!
p.s. if this resonated with you and you want support working through this, Professional Rebel’s Courage and Confidence Crew is just what you need!
A community for unconventional, creative and rebellious women who want to develop the courage and confidence to live life unedited – find out more here!
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